Addiction to Distractions

When we were growing up, we experienced many life situations that caused us deep heartbreak. Any time we lost someone we loved, or we were yelled at, ridiculed, shamed, ignored, not seen or connected with, physically or sexually abused, or treated in any other unloving ways, our little hearts broke. But we could not manage this intense heartbreak, so we had to learn various addictive ways of managing the feeling. We might have learned to eat, to dissociate from our body and live in our head, to watch TV, to have tantrums, to give ourselves up, and any number of other ways to avoid the pain we could not manage.

Some of the ways we learned are obvious, like alcohol, drugs, or food. But some are not so obvious, such as an addiction to distraction.

Bartlett did not turn to substance addictions or even many process addictions as he was growing up. Instead, his major addiction became a form of distracting himself from his feelings. I started to work with Bartlett shortly after his long marriage ended. I soon noticed that, rather than feel his heartbreak over the divorce, Bartlett would deflect it by talking in great detail about what his ex recently said to him or how his ex was treating him. He would spend time and energy asking why she did what she did, or why he did what he did. Yet each time I stopped him and asked him what he was feeling, he would pause and then quietly say, “Heartbroken.” This was such a deep addiction that within seconds of become aware of his heartbreak, he would launch once again into details of “Poor me, she said this to me, and then I said that to her.” His wounded self felt safer seeing himself as a victim than in feeling his authentic heartbreak over the divorce.

Megan did a similar thing. Megan has learned to stay focused in her head rather than in her heart and soul. By staying in her head, she didn’t have to feel the heartbreak of life. When she found out that her husband was having an affair and was in love with the other woman, she did a similar thing to Bartlett. A highly intelligent woman, she would spout paragraphs she had read about people like her husband, analyzing him over and over in her attempts to ward off her heartbreak. Over and over I brought her back into her body, back into her feelings, so that she could learn to feel and manage them rather than continually avoid them, as the avoidance of them was causing her migraines.

Max, a young man in his late 20s, used a similar, but slightly different form of distraction. Max had been a lost soul for a long time. After graduating college, he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, so he moved in with a girlfriend and got odd jobs. But now his girlfriend was tired of his irresponsibility and kicked him out.

In my first session with Max, he started to talk about how often other people pulled on him, wanting things from him. A highly sensitive person, he was likely right about people pulling on his, as he is a big handsome man. But it soon became obvious to me that Max was in the habit of externalizing his fear. When I pinned him down, he admitted to a huge fear of failure that had kept him back from making effort in his life. His terror came from deep heartbreak early in his life when his father left the family and he believed it was his fault. When his fear came up, he would immediately distract by telling me about who was trying to hurt him, who was following him, who was trying to manipulate him. His paranoid focus was a form of externalizing his internal fear.

As Max, Megan, and Bartlett learned how to manage their heartbreak, they were able to stop their addiction to distractions.

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About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding process - featured on Oprah. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered addiction-free joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.
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An Easy Way to Make Yourself Happy—Recognize You Are Responsible—It is Up to You to Change Your Life

All of us want peace and happiness. We look outside for the answers. However, the bottom line is that our happiness is up to us. We must choose to release old habits, destructive thoughts and patterns to be happy. No one can do it for us.

Everyone can realize many exciting hopes and wishes. All of us have the ability to create our own world with our thoughts. This is a principle defined under the laws of quantum physics. It is the Law of Attraction and Manifestation getting so much press in the last few years. 

Therefore, if you want a better life, just ask and you shall receive. Shaman Crooks states, “We are all part of the whole and not separate.” What this means is that we are all part of everything, including the light of God. Do you remember hearing that God is everywhere? If that is so, the statement by Shaman Crooks is valid. God being whole and everywhere would also imply He is within each of us; we are complete. Furthermore, if everything is within, that means we have access to anything to which God has access—everything in the entire universe. 

However, many times we look outside of ourselves for the answers. To attain happiness, it is best to recognize that no one is responsible for your happiness but yourself. Others can show you how they did it or give advice when asked, but ultimately, it is up to you to act on that knowledge. If you are not currently happy, assess what is not currently working. Then look to see why it is not working. Many times, we stay in the same rut simply because we do not understand why things are not working. Could it be that you think that to obtain something that it must come from an outside source? Once you realize that everything is possible, you can more easily take action to change. 

The spirit of God wants only the best for you. I know that since His spirit is within me and, I in turn, want the best for everyone else. After all, if we are part of the whole of God, the same spirit connects us all. So what is best for you is best for me, right? Why would you not make the resolution to realize the enormous creative potential you currently possess? Go ahead and create whatever life you want that could not only be constructive to you, but also benefit everyone else. My wish for you is that your grasp your true potential and that you begin to manifest constructive things as soon as possible!

Copyright Statement:
This article was written by Cindy L. Herb and may be reproduced on any related website provided the text is not changed in any form and this copyright statement is displayed unedited in its entirety at the foot of the article and you use the exact same HTML code to ensure a clickable link back to the author’s site. Further articles are also available. Contact the author for more information. Copyright 2010 Cindy L. Herb, http://www.cherbchronicles.com. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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About the Author:
Cindy L. Herb, author of Awakening the Spirit: The Open Wide Like a Floozy Chronicles, specializes in Mind, Body, and Spirit healing, and Physical/Sexual Abuse Recovery. As an inspirational speaker, Cindy L. Herb offers others an alternative approach to healing from any trauma through a simple, proven process. To download your FREE report, Some Helpful Steps to Healing, please visit the author’s website at http://www.cherbchronicles.com. You can also follow cherbchronicles on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/cherbchronicles. In addition, you can request Cindy L. Herb as a friend on Facebook, LinkedIn or YouTube.
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Through Thick and Thin

Where do you usually hear these lines, “Through Thick and Thin”? Where? As for myself, I always hear this during weddings in the church, beach, garden, and mountain. And usually those who are in love say these lines.

It is good to hear, even if you listen to it a million times. What does through thick ad thin means? It is a vow that ties you to continue loving each other no matter what will happen. It is the connection that you will have no matter what. It is maintaining the feelings since you first say I love you.

And also these lines are also famous “Till Death Do Us Apart”. If you hear this, it may sound scary because it talks about death. How can you prolong the relationship? It is by staying the same. Having time for each other even if you are tired. Create more intimacy between you and your partner. Take care of each other. Somewhat like you were you were taking care of a new born baby. Very delicate.

Having a partner for life needs a lot of effort. You need to give your all. And by that you need to stay fit and healthy. You do not want your partner to suffer taking care of you; you need to be responsible for your own self when it comes to health. Take vitamins, as doctors said “Prevention is better that cure”. That is so true; prevent bad diseases by having an exercise everyday, take multivitamins, and if possible to be cheaper try herbal medicines. Live healthy so that your promise to stay thick and thin will never encounter any problem. And the promise till death do us part will happen in the time when your hair is gray, when aging of your face and skin is observable, and when you are having an arthritis a sign of aging.

It so pleasant to hear that you will be growing old with your partner with your grand sons and daughters playing in your courtyard. Life is just a matter of choice. You just have to choose to be healthy and be wise.

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About the Author:
Read more about natural, herbal and good remedies at http://www.GoodHerbalRemedies.com
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